Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
