oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
