woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
