once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
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Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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