I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have already put on my inside pants.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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