Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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