His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
