i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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