better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
