I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
