You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
