I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
