At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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