Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
