Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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