Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
