Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
