i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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