Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
