Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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