It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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