yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
