I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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