I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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