She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
