Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
