Do you still have your period?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
