so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
