Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize