How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this will be a night to untag.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
