Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
