I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
