My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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