my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
