oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
