32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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