tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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