a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Couch. On fire.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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