Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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