WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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