I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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