My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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