If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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