The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
