I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
