I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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