Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
