He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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