Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
