Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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