she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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