They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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