I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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