I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
