I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
