I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize