until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize