My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
