Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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