no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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