to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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