My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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