Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
